Something has been on my heart lately and I just have to share it.
I get messages from women every single week saying the exact same thing which is what inspired me to write this blog post. They tell me their husband used to share his dreams, his frustrations, and his day. And then slowly, over time, he just stopped.
Now he comes home, eats dinner, turns on the television, and gives one word answers.
A woman will quickly call this emotional unavailability. She will tell her friends he is pulling away. She will diagnose him with communication issues. If you find yourself doing that you are operating in feminist energy. The cure is simple. Be honest with yourself about what actually happened.
The real reason your husband stopped talking to you is because you stopped being a safe place for him to speak.
The Biology of Disrespect
Let’s look at the behavioral science for a second. Research shows a man’s stress hormones rise the moment a woman’s voice escalates. When a man feels criticized, corrected, or managed by his wife, his nervous system registers it as an attack.
Men do not process verbal conflict the way women do. A woman can argue, cry, vent, and feel better thirty minutes later. A man’s biology requires him to withdraw to regulate his stress. If he tries to speak and you interrupt him, correct his perspective, or tell him why his feelings are wrong, he will not fight you. He will simply close the door.
The Mother vs. The Wife
A lot of women treat their husbands like their oldest child. You remind him of what he forgot to do. You correct the way he handled a situation at work. You offer unsolicited advice when he just wanted to vent.
Stop acting like his mother. God did not make you that way. 🤷🏾♀️
When a man marries a woman, he is looking for a soft place to land. He deals with competition, disrespect, and pressure all day in the world. His home is supposed to be his sanctuary. If he comes home to a woman who manages him, questions his decisions, and critiques his tone, he will find his peace somewhere else. Usually in silence.
What God Said About Your Mouth
The world will tell you to speak your truth. The world will tell you that you have a right to express every emotion that crosses your mind. But what does the Bible say?
“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.” Proverbs 21:19
A contentious woman is not necessarily a woman throwing plates across the room. A contentious woman is a woman who always has to have the last word. A woman who cannot let a small disagreement go. A woman who argues every point.
When you operate in that energy, he would rather sit in silence than deal with your contention.
How to Win Your Husband Back
If you want your husband to start talking to you again, you have to change the atmosphere you have created.
First, close your mouth. When he does speak, just listen. Do not offer advice unless he asks for it. Do not try to correct him. Do not tell him what he should have done. Just listen.
Second, soften your tone. When your tone drops, his defenses will drop. It really is that simple.
Third, respect his silence. Do not force him to talk before he is ready. Create an environment of peace in your home. Let him see that you are no longer operating in the frantic, controlling energy you used to carry.
You have the power to change the temperature of your entire marriage just by mastering your own mouth.
Save this post and share it with a woman who needs to hear this. She might not know this is happening in her own home.
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